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CANCER SUCKS!

CANCER. C-A-N-C-E-R. UGH!! I hate that word. I hate everything about that word. I hate those 6 letters like NO other. (And you have to understand that "HATE" is not used in our house...we use, "I don't like" or "I don't care for." Because hate is such an ugly word we don't use it. Well, in this case IF THE SHOE FITS... ) I can barely even type the 6 letters without cringing, let alone say it out loud.

Cancer is the topic for this blog, because it has once again struck our family. And trust me when I say that I don't wish cancer on ANY family...but c'mon, I think mine has had enough. And sadly enough, Cancer once again has taken a member of my family. And I'm sick of it.

Here is Grandpa's "fight"~

Grandpa Jim, was 89. And up until 6 months ago, he was as healthy as an ox. He drove, he camped, he lived life, and loved his family. Six months ago, at a Dr. visit, Grandpa had some heart issues. They didn't want to operate due to his age..but they had a new treatment that was offered, to my understanding, was a non-surgical procedure to force the blood back through his heart and would make him a new man. These treatments required Grandpa to go to the Hospital in Hastings NE, 20 miles from home, 4 days a week. No problem. Except for one, Grandpa had done most of the driving for the past 67 years of my Grandparents marriage. So, this meant Grandma would have to drive him into town. Which was ok, until there was ice and snow and then all bets were off. My Dad came down to Oklahoma for Christmas and stayed for a week and then went to Blue Hill (where my Grandparents live) to help Grandma with Grandpa's last 4 treatments. Which was a welcome help to them. Monday arrives and Grandpa's blood work comes back funny and they couldn't continue with the last 4 treatments. Not a problem. He would receive 3 shots of coumadin (i know that is SO not spelled right) which is a blood thinner. Dad stayed the week anyway, and said Grandpa was getting along great. He was a little fatigued, but was able to move around without any problems. GREAT news.

Then I get a call from my brother, on Friday. Grandpa was taken to the hospital, he had had a stroke. WHAT ?!?!?!?!?!?!?!? UGH. After running some tests the Dr's confirmed that he had a minor stroke with weakness on his left side, and some memory loss. During an exam in the E.R., Grandpa experienced some minor stomach pain. The dr's told everyone that it was more than likely a combination of all the meds he was on, and not to worry, but just to be on the safe side they would do a CT scan of his stomach. The results start a whirlwind of HORRIBLE results. He has an anyeurism in his stomach, which more than likely is what caused his stroke. Oh, and it's very close to a major artery, so we can't operate. It will more than likely rupture and kill him. More tests confirmed that he also has a mass in his colon. So, a colonoscopy was scheduled. The results from that SUCKED too. He had a very large mass in his colon, so large the dr. had never seen a tumor that big. (And yes, in case you are wondering Grandpa had had regular colonoscopies before, and all had come back clear.) Which prompted more scans.....the cancer had spread to his brain. He had a mass on his brain stem....the worst possible case scenario. (The miracle if there is one in this case....is that it had NOT spread to his liver....which amazed the drs.) The Dr's and Grandpa decided on NO TREATMENTS. He wanted to live out his remaining days at home with my Grandma.

So, what went from 6 months to live....now went to maybe double-digit weeks. MAYBE.

Grandpa stayed in the Hospital for a week...and was transported home. Hospice had been put in charge of his care.

My family, which consists of 10 cousins, all of spread out from..Missouri, to Oklahoma, to Arizona and Nebraska, all were making plans to visit Grandpa. It had been a while since we had all been together...but we felt it was important to visit. So, arrangements were made, Grandpa was told and understood we were all coming back to see him the weekend of the 17th. And although we were told that he didnt want to disrupt our lives by going back to see him....we all were going anyway. (Sorry Grandpa)

Daily calls were made to my Dad for updates. Grandpa was getting along well and was happy to be home. Life was going along as planned.

Then a call came from my Dad on Jan. 12. Grandpa had passed away at 10AM. My brother and I were very worried about my Dad...as he just lost his wife and now his Dad. There were alot of emotions that were so familiar to him. My brother (who happened to be down here visiting) and I loaded up the car and left immediately for Nebraska.

We arrived in Blue Hill around 10:30pm monday night. Grandma embraced us and said that Grandpa wanted to make it one more day to see us.

All of the grandkids and great grandkids (minus Lily, who was born the end of November) were at his funeral. We figured out that the last time we were all together was probably over 25+ years ago. It was great to see everyone again...although it was heartbreaking to look down at the end of the table and not see Grandpa.

Our boys had an exceptionally hard time with it as well. Jason's Grandpa passed away earlier this fall, and now my Grandpa.

I overheard the boys talking at the funeral. They realized that they had no more Great -

Grandpas left. Ryan wondered why God had to take both of them away in the same year. It wasn't fair. Grant, our 6 year old, replied that "God must have needed their help in Heaven, cuz they could both do lots of fun things." That right there put everything into perspective for me. It was the worst week emotionally for me. I spent so much time relfecting on WHY GOD, and WHY US. It was awful. I was so relieved that Grandpa didn't suffer and linger in pain. For that I was Greatful. But to have him taken from us so quickly was heartwrenching. Until, I heard those precious words from my 6 years olds mouth. And then it was ok. My heart was able to heal, and I knew that it would be ok.

I'll miss you Grandpa. ~ And I love YOU.